Cupcakes & Unicorns

"I have no control over what someone thinks of me, but I have 100% control over what I think of myself."

I am reminding myself of this as I lie in bed trying to figure out why some people say the things they say and feel the way they do. I am also trying to figure out why this is bothering me so much?

I usually don’t concern myself too much with the opinions of others. I suppose that’s because I used to suppress the feelings I had with alcohol. Now that I’m sober I actually have to deal with things and feelings. So tonight I’m doing the best I can by trying to accept that not everyone one wants me too succeed. Not everyone is happy for me. I have no choice but to accept this because it is something that I can not change and simply thinking about it hinders my success.

I’ve decided not to dwell on it anymore. It is what it is. Instead I will say my serenity prayer over and over until I fall asleep. Tomorrow I will wake to a new day full of new challenges and opportunities and I will have more important things to think about…like succeeding!

I’ve been out of town helping my sister so I haven’t made it to Yoga or Tai Chi this week. I practiced some while I was there, but I really missed the classes.

I got back home today and I just woke from a nap. I had all but talked myself out of going tonight when a voice in my head said “Don’t be a pussy, get your ass up and go!” Looks like I’m going to Tai Chi tonight! 

I’m so excited that the good voices are becoming more powerful than the bad voices. 
:)

I’ve been out of town helping my sister so I haven’t made it to Yoga or Tai Chi this week. I practiced some while I was there, but I really missed the classes.

I got back home today and I just woke from a nap. I had all but talked myself out of going tonight when a voice in my head said “Don’t be a pussy, get your ass up and go!” Looks like I’m going to Tai Chi tonight!

I’m so excited that the good voices are becoming more powerful than the bad voices.
:)

Living without alcohol I can begin to rid my heart of hate.

Living without alcohol I can begin to rid my heart of hate.

Congratulations on your sobriety as well my love(: definitely a life worth living

Indeed it is! I didn’t know what I was missing!
XOXO

I admit that I have harbored resentment in my life but I don’t feel it is one of my major character defects. I pride myself in not being a jealous person. I try to forgive and seldom hold grudges. I also feel that I am genuinely happy for someone when good things happen to them, even those who I am not particularly fond of. 

In my 144 days of sobriety I have been working very hard and I am trying to let go of the resentments that I do have and I am feeling much more at peace. My hard work is paying off and good things are happening for me. Unfortunately, I get the feeling that there are those in my life who aren’t so pleased for me. They are exhibiting jealous and resentful behavior. I’m having difficulty understanding this. We’re they truly happier when I was down, drunk and miserable? Are they resentful because I am maturing and accomplishing good things? 

I simply don’t understand and I feel sad. I am sad for myself because I want those close to me to be proud and supportive of me. But mostly I am sad for those who feel resentful. I don’t want that for them. It is such an ugly emotion that will eat away at you. I want them to be free from harmful thoughts and feelings. I want them to know love and peace. Because only when we are free from resentment will we find joy.

I admit that I have harbored resentment in my life but I don’t feel it is one of my major character defects. I pride myself in not being a jealous person. I try to forgive and seldom hold grudges. I also feel that I am genuinely happy for someone when good things happen to them, even those who I am not particularly fond of.

In my 144 days of sobriety I have been working very hard and I am trying to let go of the resentments that I do have and I am feeling much more at peace. My hard work is paying off and good things are happening for me. Unfortunately, I get the feeling that there are those in my life who aren’t so pleased for me. They are exhibiting jealous and resentful behavior. I’m having difficulty understanding this. We’re they truly happier when I was down, drunk and miserable? Are they resentful because I am maturing and accomplishing good things?

I simply don’t understand and I feel sad. I am sad for myself because I want those close to me to be proud and supportive of me. But mostly I am sad for those who feel resentful. I don’t want that for them. It is such an ugly emotion that will eat away at you. I want them to be free from harmful thoughts and feelings. I want them to know love and peace. Because only when we are free from resentment will we find joy.

Sobriety has given me the capability to be a good sister. I can now help my sisters who have helped me in so many ways. I have the ability and desire to show my love and appreciation and to do so out of love, rather than obligation. For that I am very grateful.

Sobriety has given me the capability to be a good sister. I can now help my sisters who have helped me in so many ways. I have the ability and desire to show my love and appreciation and to do so out of love, rather than obligation. For that I am very grateful.

Keep up the good work! Remember, anything good that we had while drinking we get to keep because we are sober. And so many more good things follow us into sobriety!

That is great thinking! Thank you. XOXO

You can’t recover if all you do is complain. This goes for sufferers of mental illness as well as addiction. I have struggled with both for years and there came a point where I had to decide whether I was going to do something about it or continue living in misery. If I chose the latter than I needed to shut up about it. 

It wasn’t an easy decision. Wallowing in my own despair and self pity was easy and at times gratifying. Having the pity and sympathy of others was pleasing and frankly, I liked the attention. I realize now how disgusting that is. What kind of person actually enjoys that? So I made the decision to do something different, and now the attention I receive is that which I can have pride in.

I am not recovered, I am recovering and a big part of that recovery includes helping others. I can’t help others if the only thing I share is my pain and problems. I have to share my experience, strength and hope with them. I can help by sharing what I’ve learned and how I am healing, not by whining about my problems. I have to let people know that recovery works…but only if you work it.

You can’t recover if all you do is complain. This goes for sufferers of mental illness as well as addiction. I have struggled with both for years and there came a point where I had to decide whether I was going to do something about it or continue living in misery. If I chose the latter than I needed to shut up about it.

It wasn’t an easy decision. Wallowing in my own despair and self pity was easy and at times gratifying. Having the pity and sympathy of others was pleasing and frankly, I liked the attention. I realize now how disgusting that is. What kind of person actually enjoys that? So I made the decision to do something different, and now the attention I receive is that which I can have pride in.

I am not recovered, I am recovering and a big part of that recovery includes helping others. I can’t help others if the only thing I share is my pain and problems. I have to share my experience, strength and hope with them. I can help by sharing what I’ve learned and how I am healing, not by whining about my problems. I have to let people know that recovery works…but only if you work it.

Put your thoughts to sleep,
do not let them cast a shadow
over the moon of your heart.
Let go of thinking.
Rumi
Being sober has given me so much, especially freedom. 

FREEDOM from feeling like death every morning.
FREEDOM from grave depression.
FREEDOM to wake every morning with hope.
FREEDOM to accomplish goals.
FREEDOM from self inflicted pain and anguish.
FREEDOM to enjoy life’s pleasures.
FREEDOM to dream.
FREEDOM to feel real feelings.
FREEDOM from resentment.
FREEDOM to love and be loved.
FREEDOM to live and keep living. 

I am so grateful for my sobriety and the freedom it has given me to enjoy life again.

Being sober has given me so much, especially freedom.

FREEDOM from feeling like death every morning.
FREEDOM from grave depression.
FREEDOM to wake every morning with hope.
FREEDOM to accomplish goals.
FREEDOM from self inflicted pain and anguish.
FREEDOM to enjoy life’s pleasures.
FREEDOM to dream.
FREEDOM to feel real feelings.
FREEDOM from resentment.
FREEDOM to love and be loved.
FREEDOM to live and keep living.

I am so grateful for my sobriety and the freedom it has given me to enjoy life again.