Life is good. I’m making progress everyday. I’m learning to be patient and learning to forgive myself. It’s a very peaceful feeling when you can accept yourself and life just as it is.
My mind is the root of all my misery. It constantly reminds me of bad times by throwing thoughts and memories at me that I would rather not think or recall. Exhausting, it has at times caused me to give up on life. For as long as I can remember I have hated my mind. I waged war against it and battled it everyday.
Sobriety has given me the ability to stop fighting the war. These days when unpleasant thoughts present themselves to me I no longer try to block them or force them away. Instead, I allow them to come to me. I sit quietly with it for a moment, acknowledging it. Then I take a very deep breath, forgive myself and say goodbye to that memory or thought. As I exhale, it floats away with my breath.
This tactic is no guarantee that unpleasantries will not return, they have and they will, but they are losing their power. I am winning the war simply because I chose not to fight it anymore.
I’ve been busy, busy, busy! My boyfriend has been in town all week and we have been going here and going there, going, going, going! Unfortunately he’s leaving tomorrow. I miss him so much when he’s gone. He is my biggest supporter and my best friend. He is also very social and not much for staying home.
I must admit that I’m exhausted. I’ve come to enjoy my quiet, peaceful, little world. With the exception of the last year of my addiction, I was quite social. I really liked being out and about with people, especially if there was alcohol involved. I am not that way anymore. I like my warm home, my children, books, plants and hummingbirds. I am perfectly content doing yoga and simply spending time doing simple things that make me happy.
I was told in AA that this is isolation and is not healthy for my recovery, but I am happy with the way things are progressing and do not feel that I am at risk of relapse. I’m spending time with myself, getting to know the person I am becoming and nurturing my soul. I am growing spirituality and all in all I am happier than I’ve been in years.
But perhaps there is something to what they tell me. Maybe one can isolate themself to a negative point. Most of the time I do dread leaving the house and do fake excitement when I have to socialize. I did so this week for the sake of my boyfriend, although I would have preferred not to. I suppose there is a happy medium somewhere. I will have to work on finding it.
Thanks for the blog I am 2 days sober today. I am a Bing drinker. Here is my question, were you having dreams about alcohol when you were sleeping???
Congratulations on taking such a big and courageous step! Yes, I absolutely had drinking dreams and nearing six months sober I still do but they are few and far between now. They can be very terrifying as well as triggering. It’s your brain’s way of telling you that it misses the stimulation. Some people I’ve met enjoy the dreams. They see it as a free high. I’m not that lucky.
Remember that they are only dreams and that you are sober and getting stronger everyday. Take it one day at a time and when things are bad, an hour or a minute at a time. It’s a tough battle but you are worth it and you can do it!
Some of us are struggling to stay sober right now and I find this thought helpful. What gets an alcoholic drunk is that first drink.
When I feel the urge to drink I think about that first drink and how wonderful it would taste and how tingly it would make me feel. Then I think about the second drink, the third and eventually the bottom of the bottle. You see, it’s not the quantity of alcohol that gets me drunk, it’s the first drink that gets me drunk, because I am an alcoholic.
One drink leads to the bottom of a bottle. Plain and simple. However, the thought of never drinking again can be very overwhelming. So instead of thinking about being sober the rest of our lives, we need to focus on being sober right now, this moment, this day. Not forever. If we can avoid that first drink, just for today, we will be successful in our sobriety
Today was my birthday and I thought I’d end this wonderful day with a yoga pose and a cupcake on my head! I hope everyone had a great day as well!
I do not want the mistakes I’ve made, the harm I’ve caused and the life I took for granted to be in vain. I want to make the most of the time I have left on earth. I want to help others find their way to sobriety so that their life will not be wasted or cut short by the deadly disease of addiction.
I lost a friend last night. He was driving under the influence, crashed his vehicle and lost his life. I am sick with grief.
There are countless times this could’ve happened to me and probably you as well. Please don’t drink and drive. If you can’t stop after one or two so that you can get home safely than please get help. Life is too precious to lose for a drink. You are too precious to lose!
Life really is amazing and I am astonished at how beautiful it is through sober eyes.
Sobriety is a gift. It is like being touched with something special that others don’t have. Once you’ve escaped the clutches of addiction you begin to see things you never noticed before, feel things you never felt and love like you’ve never loved. You appreciate little things like, hummingbirds, a flower, a child’s laugh. Things that many overlook or perhaps don’t see or hear at all.
I no longer look back on the dark days of my addiction with dread and shame, I look back on them with appreciation. For without them, I wouldn’t have received this gift. I would be ordinary, like everyone else and oblivious to all the wonders that surround me.
"Never judge someone by the opinion of others".
I love this. I try very hard to practice this in my life but now I find that I need to rephrase it a bit.
"Never judge yourself by the opinion of others”.
What others think of me does not matter. Whatever their feelings are and where they come from should not concern me. If I hear something unpleasant about myself or if someone has a negative comment regarding me, I can’t allow it to settle in my mind. I have to disperse it immediately. I have no control over anyone’s thoughts, feelings or opinions, only my own and that is what I must focus on.
In my addiction I isolated myself so much that I didn’t really have any enablers. In that, I am very fortunate. Enablers are as toxic as the disease itself.
With the very best intentions enablers often make matters worse. This is true with addiction as well as mental illness. There are many different ways to enable someone but in my (non-professional) opinion, over sympathizing is the most dangerous.
Sympathizing, coddling, fussing over and indulging in the afflicted person’s self pity is of absolutely no benefit and in no way aids their recovery. I am not suggesting that friends and loved ones treat the person harshly. I am suggesting that if you want to help someone who suffers from an addiction or mental illness you need to educate yourself. There are tons of resources available to help you help them.
Once you understand what you are dealing with you can begin to help them. That will usually begin with no longer giving into their ploys for attention and sympathy but instead hold them accountable for their life, behavior and their recovery. You will be able to offer them suggestions, treatment options and much more that will help them in a positive way.
Finally, if you don’t want to be enabler you need to know when enough is enough. Unfortunately, recovery isn’t possible unless the one suffering is ready to recover. Nothing you do or say will change that. They have to get tired of their own bullshit before they even have a shot at recovery. So just remember that you can’t help those who won’t help themselves and always remember to take care of yourself first.